I am starting to feel a little better. My mind isn’t racing as much and I am slowly processing being here and all my experiences of London and reflecting on my life here and my past. Introspection. But what you need is another person to talk to and that helps. It gives you perspective. I didn’t realize I had grown so much already. There are still a few things I’d like to work on but overall I am doing pretty good.

I managed to break my wardrobe and I managed to fix it. Thank you Gamma. It’s a well known store in the Netherlands. I also took the opportunity to clear out my wardrobe. Clothes that I wore when I was fifteen had to go. I am growing up. Still playful though.

I walked around the city at night time to clear my head. I saw the most peculiar thing. A stone marten or a ferret. One or the other. I saw him three times. He kept running away. In London I’d see a lot of squirrels and foxes. Yes; foxes. In the city.

We have decided on a new housemate. I think she is very calm and is quite independent for her age and also empathetic. A warm nice person. Hopefully a great addition to our house. She goes kickboxing three times a week. Well, can’t beat that! Impressive. I just went yesterday to my trainer. Gloves on and ready to go. He told me I hit pretty hard. It was nice to see him. He’d joke around and tell me a little riddle. He usually does at the end of the training. When you are knackered thén he gives you a riddle.

There are a lot of changes in our house. I am back. One is leaving. Luckily, they are very happy to have me back. I also have a picture now of the beautiful welcome home pizza my housemate made. He knew I wouldn’t like a pie. Haha. So, he decided on something savoury. Good choice.

I think I am going to get a goodbye gift for our leaving housemate today. It’s not really goodbye of course since she will always be our friend and we’ll get to see her.

My cat is also in the neighbourhood and he came to say hello. Apparently, according to my housemates, he knows when I am home. It might mean he missed me or that he actually is attached to me. Usually during the summer, he rarely is home. A street cat. A bar cat. A beggar for food. During the winter it is cold and then he’d rather be home but you know outside there are way more adventures.

I’ve bought new shoes. I was so done with wearing practical shoes because of all the walking I did in London. I finally wanted to look beautiful. Plus, I was also done with living out of a bag. Having only a few options of clothing to choose from. For four months I had a bag which I usually take with me on a holiday for two weeks! It was overfull when I travelled home. It did shut though hahaha.

Soon I’ll be making a photo book about London. I think this will be a nice way to reflect on my time there.

I am just finishing with my portfolio for my teacher here and my teacher in London sent me the most kind email. She wrote that I made a very good photo book and that the other teacher thought so too. Even the librarian who came to look at all the photo books. Two days later I still didn’t respond and I got another email wondering if I arrived safely. I thought it was really touching that she had thought of me and complimented me. I think she had seen the stress and all the effort that went into it.

I am also very proud of the documentary. I might just post it on Facebook. It is worth seeing it and it only takes four minutes. If you type in: ‘Path of a woman’, you will find it on YouTube but here it is: https://youtu.be/94_kCl2dh2s

Wish me good luck settling here and where ever you are; I hope you are well and having a good time. Until next time! X

I am home. I am home. I am never leaving. Hahaha. Well, that is what I feel like right now. I have been living in Zwollywood for nearly eleven years now. So, moving was a big step. Even to a whole different country. It was life changing. But I am so happy to be back and to be welcomed back home too.

My housemate had balloons and welcome home signs and made a pizza with welcome home on it. It made me cry. I held him tight. He and his friend got my heavy luggage upstairs. I sat at his place and we talked while simultaneously judging the singers on TV. We watched EuroVision. I ate pizza and he brought me some water. He wanted to be home for me. I was so glad.

This morning I have gone swimming. Well, you have to keep up with good habits. I have also lit candle lights next to my bed here. That is something I just usually only do in my living room but in London I only had one room and got used to having candle light next to my bed. I also noticed missing a bath when I got up. I wanted to jump in the bath tub and read my book but I couldn’t. We don’t have a bath here unfortunately. But we do have windows and sunlight coming in and a lot of plants. My other housemate took care of my plants and she even gave me two new ones. I am very thankful.

I have already biked through my little green and quiet city. A Sunday morning in Zwolle. There is hardly anyone in the streets. Even in the city centre. The city sleeps. Weird! I knew that. It’s just a big adjustment to crowded London. I haven’t heard any sirens since I am here. I did play my new record. Yes, I can play records now on my record player. Bliss.

Just before I left in London there was this woman called Elsa. My classmate. She had made me a goodbye gift. I didn’t expect that at all. It was so kind. She also bought my photo book. Sometimes people surprise you in the most beautiful way. I said my goodbyes to Theo and to Ivallyo. That was tough. Theo joked around and told me he loves me and Ivallyo said we had clicked really well. I said I’ll miss them. Very surreal. How your life is one minute something and one minute later something completely else.

I am still going through red lights and I even had a moment where I was at the wrong side of the road. I am also partly still thinking in English and not only in Dutch. Well, I have all the time to adjust.

HI ZWOLLE! HAPPY TO BE BACK! I AM BACK BITCHES!

My mind keeps racing. It thinks of all the things that can go wrong. It thinks of all my fears. It’s thinking about disappointment. It fills my head with rage. Just in case I can handle that better. It’s exhausting. I go to bed filled with thoughts and it’s how I wake up. Sometimes this small room feels like an isolation cell. I wasn’t the first person to feel the same way. I remember another exchange student telling me at arrival that she was in shock. I remember another exchange student feeling depressed for a whole week. They say going abroad is fun. But all students experience feeling home sick at some degree. Or just feeling low for one reason or another. Just being in a different country doesn’t make everything automatically better. It is actually more challenging. Well, I thought so.

Now, I am nearly going home and I am terrified. Nothing new under the sun. I am always terrified. When I dance, then I feel free. I might go dancing tonight. Say my goodbyes. Who knows, maybe being back home will be just fine. Mind.. Mind.. Mind…. It plays tricks on you.

I am supposed to be excited about our event today at the pop-up store. Let’s hope I will find the energy again. Usually I do. Luckily, these class mates are very welcoming and friendly. They are always giving me hugs. Complimenting me on my jackets. All three of them. Apparently, when it comes to jackets I have good taste.

Yesterday, there was a moment of feeling proud. My photo book was done. I laid it all out. The cards and envelopes. I even felt so inspired I decided to make more cards with dried flowers.

I should maybe try to cheer myself up. I might be more cheerful for you to read too. I had this beautiful walk with my housemate Ivallyo. He is from Bulgaria. It is nice to have people around you that are also from other countries. He is very calm, friendly and always willing to help you in the printer room for example. We did the same course and his photo book is amazing. He put so much effort into it and it shows. He can be proud of himself. Every time someone gives a compliment about his photo book, I tell them to tell Ivallyo.

It was a beautiful park. Hampstead Heath. There were hills and a beautiful view. It was just lovely to listen for a change. This time Ivallyo told me about his plans, his future and it made me realize that right now was pretty good. That my life was good. I felt calm. I wasn’t thinking about the future. I was listening. I was looking at the world around me and I got Ivallyo in the present moment too. We talked about bees and flowers.

I’ve also been to Sky Garden. Everyone seems to think it is amazing. I wasn’t that impressed. I prefer a park over anything. Over a museum, Starbucks, Sky Garden. I have to confess I had a good time though. It’s always a good time when I am with Theo. He is funny, playful, easy going. He is also scared about going home. He asked me to come to the airport with him. I am flying much later than him. Unfortunately, I had to say no. Airports aren’t the most calming places. I rather take another stroll in the park. He understood. We are both terrified and we just become more hysterical and playful together. It’s good fun.

There is also this beautiful woman named Irene. She is stunning. Our birthdays are on the same day. She is just three years older. When I first heard I was pleasantly shocked. She is always talking about being Sagittarius. It cracks me up. I don’t believe in that stuff. I let my bottle fall down and also my banana and she just went: Sagittarius. I burst out laughing. She loves my laugh. She thinks it’s powerful. It is the same as my mom’s. My aunt will always tell me. You’re just like your mom now. Also, when I cry. Apparently, it is the same way my mom cried. Irene cried. She cried while saying goodbye to me. I held her tight. She told me she was happy to meet me. I told her she was welcome in the Netherlands. She told me I was welcome in Italy. That is good news because I love the sun, the historical buildings and the food. I’m in love with Italy and I would love to see Irene again. Where ever. I love the way she talks with her hands. She is elegant and fun.

Lastly, there was Sarah. She is very friendly. When I told her I wasn’t feeling well she asked me what she could do. I told her a walk in the park. That’s what we did. Hahaha, I am so demanding. Apparently, all I need is good company and a park. Well, it was nice. To listen. It got me a bit out of my head and I tried to put things in perspective. We also sat in a jazz cafe. The cafe where I came in the first week. I studied for my exam there. This time rather than having one of my favourite teas – red bush -, I had an elderflower soda. They don’t have them as much in the Netherlands and I am enjoying it while I can. Just as salt and vinegar crisps. They are not the same in the Netherlands. It was good to also just talk about dogs and about the trees we saw. Here, now. After three hours I was so tired that I told her, I had to go home. But it was good. A good way to spend my time.

Well, now you have a little insight into the back of my head. I hope you are doing well where ever you are. Until next time! I am going to try and continue with this blog once I am home. x

Living in my own little bubble in my head is sometimes peaceful and sometimes exhausting. Sometimes it’s just great to listen to someone else. It brings you outside of your own bubble. It helps seeing other lives. Listening to others. Realizing life right now is good. It’s also nice to share your thoughts with another student from abroad. We’re going through the same things. Attachment and detachment from people and a place. Stress about flying, packing, leaving. Reflecting on life here and back home.

It’s sunny. I’ve worn flip flops. I am wearing dresses. I like going to a park. Yesterday I got very unlucky. I went to a park that is filled with deer. But for me there was no deer to be found. Two foxes though. I liked that. Furthermore, there were beautiful flowers. Nothing like you’ll see in the Netherlands. The size of these plants makes them look like small trees filled with huge flowers in vibrant colours. Everyone was taking pictures.

I’ve also managed to go to the zoo before leaving. I really wanted to go to the butterfly garden. I love it so much. At some point I got into a meditative state. Whatever you like to call it. I was quiet. Theo was quiet. It was warm. We just sat on a bench for a really long time. We looked at the butterflies. There was music playing softly in the background that was very soothing. I also felt bewilderment for quit a while and would exclaim: ‘Look at it fly, it’s so beautiful!’. There was one particular butterfly that would flap their wings so slow that it looked very elegant. It was my new favourite butterfly.

I managed to finish a workbook I had to make. All my progress is written in it and the meaning behind the photo book I’ve made. I’ve made three copies. I am ready for the pop up store. That all starts tomorrow. People can pop in and take a look at the photo books and possibly buy one. For the rest, I’ll be packing my stuff. I’ll give my plant away and I’ve already sold my bike.

Goodbye Elephant and Castle. It was good to be here. It was awful to be here. Just life. As anywhere else. Who knows, I might look forward to coming back for the nostalgia and meeting all the wonderful people I met here. Goodbye London.

This trip meant meeting my mom. Meeting my dad. Maybe saying hi and goodbye. Maybe just reconnecting. Maybe all those things. Maybe realizing that my mom loved me so much but was also very imperfect. As we all are of course. But I know that I’d like to live my life differently than my mom did. I’d like to be less scared. I’d love to think that the world is a safe place and if I ever have children show them that. Instead of showing them panic. In the end I am who I am and I can change little by little and make some progress and just do what I can. You always do what you can. I must say I am actually really pushing myself.

One of my mothers told me to set boundaries and don’t feel desperate about setting them. She is very right. I am totally experimenting with it already. Just saying I can’t come or that I am leaving early without making it any bigger than it has to be. I can make progress. I can learn. As anyone can.

Maybe I’ll just be fine in the end. Just a woman who is fine in every way. Imperfectly fine. Imperfectly enough. Loveable and capable of giving love. Showing love and forgiveness. Seeing pain and going through it. Showing up. Being tough. Being soft. Being gentle. Everything I always wanted to be. Strong, powerful, vulnerable, loving, kind, stable and the best I can be.

This trip, man. What a trip. What an experience. I don’t know if I changed. If it was for the better. If it was worth the money. But who knows. Maybe I did go through some personal growth. Pain. Confrontation. Learned new skills. Met new people. Saw so many new things. Ate good food and bad food. Enjoyed the sunshine. Hated the grey sky. I just felt everything. Everything that a Dutch girl – uhm, woman – could experience in my own little bubble.

Yesterday we watched all of the documentaries. There was one called sonder and it meant something like the realization that everyone lives an as complicated and vivid life as you. It made me think that I spend a lot of time in my own head with my own thoughts. I can love that place and sometimes feel unsafe in that place. And it’s only my place. There are billions of us with their own little bubble.

This makes me think of mindfulness. I use an app called Headspace every morning. There is this animation called small mind and big mind. Maybe they are talking about sonder just there. And actually, they might include the whole world. Plants and animals included. Who all also have their own little bubble.

My bubble is about to change. Or burst hahaha. Well. I am leaving. One more week. Can you believe it? One more week. Then the adventure is truly over. Back to my own life. Back to reality. Whatever that means. In a way I am very much looking forward to it. Mostly just looking forward to lying in a park by myself with a book. And you know seeing my housemates when I get home. Even if it is shortly and sometimes longer. At some point seeing some friends. I am dreading the fact that I have to choose a new housemate. A luxury problem, I know. I mean there could have been the possibility of no choice. I should be grateful. Which I am and at the same time I am a bit anxious. But who knows, maybe before you know it I get attached to this new human being in our house and this person might be a great addition to our house. And well, we’ll miss our housemate that actually did get attached to us. Luckily, she is just going to live around the corner. So, there are plenty of opportunities to say hi. Life changes. We don’t have control of all the changes that happen. It can be scary. It can be bad. Good. Ugly hahaha. But yeah. We’ll see what life will bring once I am back in the Netherlands.

I got to meet up with one of my classmates from back home. She gave me a clear description of what is coming up for the upcoming years of our study. It actually gave me some peace of mind. For my upcoming internship I could do just one day. This seems very doable. Who knows, I might get the opportunity to be a tutor again at my favourite place in my favourite city.

I might work at an international school one day, at an MBO or I might work in television one day. Or maybe something completely different. Is that the beauty of life? That you don’t know?

Food for thought. Food for thought. I hope you are having an amazing week. I missed Bevrijdingsfestival. Such a bummer. Hope you danced your ass of though. Dancing is the best. I danced at salsa temple yesterday. On the Thursday with all the friendly faces I know from there. It was in a way ‘coming home’. It’s a really safe place for me. With such friendly people. Great music and great dancers. I’ll miss it. I’ve also said goodbye to a few international friends. And the last goodbyes are coming up.

Wish me luck this last week with my last deadline and with saying goodbye. I hope the weather is lovely where ever you are and that you are having a good time. As the song says: Enjoy yourself (It’s later than you think). It’s by Maxine Sullivan, Bob Haggart, Ike Isaacs, Dardanelle and Sil Austin.

I am at home. ‘Home’. Here in London. In my tiny room and tiny bed where I just fit into. One cupboard, a desk and a sink where you can’t drink the water from the tap. A bin, a lamp, curtains. I didn’t have a little night cabinet to put my books on and so I creatively made one out of a cardboard box. I just put a towel over it and it’s slightly dented but it serves its purpose. Candles are on it and next to it which isn’t allowed. It slows me down and gives a cue that it is night time and soon time to sleep. Above my desk is a plank and on there you find photos of family and friends. I rarely look at them but I am happy that they are there. It gives me comfort. I do the same at home. Photographs are actually a big part of my life. Very different to other generations. A different feeling of nostalgia and memories. I am glad that I have the photos. I will keep on taking photos and making photo books and displaying photos.

I am playing music. ‘The art of conversation’ by Leo Sidran. It’s a duet. I wouldn’t know who the female singer is unfortunately and I am too lazy to look it up. Oh oh oh. I just felt like writing and expressing myself. I am feeling quite good. I had a really good conversation with my family and it feels like it lifted a lot of weight of me. Plus, I got to spend a lot of the day with Theo. He is funny. We can have childish fun with each other. Really playful. I am totally going to miss him. In about a week he’ll be all the way in America and I’ll be in my ‘koude kikkerlandje’ the Netherlands. I’ve also hugged my teacher. I guess I made a good impression. I think we’re nearly of the same age and we really clicked. We could talk about my work and brainstorm. Who knows, I might have made bonds for life. I might go back to London and see them all again.

I had the exhibition yesterday and it went really well. I invited a few people and actually 7 people showed up! I was so glad. Everyone was curious what the work was about. I loved hearing what they thought it was about and being able to express myself. It was a good evening.

And… Tomorrow is also a big day. We will watch the final cut of the documentary. Have a look here if you like: https://youtu.be/94_kCl2dh2s

Have fun guys back in the Netherlands tomorrow. It’s Bevrijdingsdag! Feel free! You finally might have the opportunity to celebrate it after two years. Do a little dance for me. See you soon x

Another week has passed. Two more weeks and I’m back in the Netherlands. The countdown has started. I am still making the best of it though. I’ve been to one of my favourite shows called Taskmaster. That was a dream come true. Even the comedian Dara O’Brien explained to everyone what the word gezellig means. That was fun! Okay, I’m not supposed to tell you who is in the show. Can you keep a secret? Haha! I went with my friend Theo and we missed the first show because there was no space left and I got a little upset and told her we’re leaving the U.K. in two weeks. So, she gave us priority tickets for the evening show. So glad! Theo considered buying her flowers but in the end thought that was too much. We got the opportunity to explore the surroundings. There was a beautiful park with huge trees and flowers. We could see Windsor Castle in the distance. Theo was particularly excited about that! It was all nice and green and I had lasagne for my lunch. My favourite!

For the rest I am working on my deadlines which is going really well I must say. One exhibition is already ready to see which I am actually proud of. I didn’t exactly expect it to be good. Additionally, our documentary is nearly done and I am quite proud of that too. I mean it is not a masterpiece but it’s clearly not bad! Lastly, I am working on my photo books called ‘The gift that keeps on giving’. I have made three editions. I will be working with ink today and writing some poetry and sticking dried flowers to cards and putting it all together. I’ll finish the workbook and if I get the chance I’ll start with writing a final document for my teacher back home in the Netherlands. Take an English test to prove I learned some English while I was here haha.

And after my hard work I think I deserve some breaks. Maybe lie down in the bath with a candle next to me and my book ready to read. I might go swimming but I think I can still feel my arms from a few days ago. If I feel like it I’ll go to Borough Market.

I went to salsa yesterday. Once again by myself. Usually that doesn’t bother me. I had a really great evening and was asked to dance a lot and enjoyed it with a giant. He was clearly taller than two meters. Yes, we Dutchies don’t measure in feet and I haven’t quite figured out that system yet. I think I am 5’6? 1.78 cm. So quite tall. I guess if people just look at you surprised and confused that you came by yourself it gives you a bad feeling. But it won’t discourage me. I think I’ll go again next week and luckily, I do meet people there who come by themselves too or who are very welcoming. I’ll really miss that place once I’m back in the Netherlands. Nothing beats holding each other and dancing the night away. It brings a smile to my face. A really big one.

I am still considering going to the Zoo. I’d love to see the butterfly garden. I’ll bring my camera. I think that could be a really good day. I am also enjoying my last days with my bike here. I mean I am Dutch. What am I without a bike?! Hahaha. I’ve biked all the way to Putney near Richmond. That was a long journey. I enjoyed the forest. A dog that stole my bottle and a nice owner of the dog kept on smiling and apologizing. I also enjoyed trying to get my bike over a fence by myself and clearly struggling when two young men, runners, came up to me and just both took my bike and helped it over the fence. Then I heroically jumped over the fence and that was that. It was fun. Later on I passed them and wished them a great day. They laughed. I am so grateful for those moments and being able to enjoy myself. Even if it is by myself. I suppose I became quiet independent on this trip. I mean I’ve always been able to go to the park by myself. But I’ve never been to the cinema by myself. I was proud.

I missed King’s day back in the Netherlands and I’ll miss Bevrijdingsdag. That last one bugs me. I love Bevrijdingsdag. A free festival. I mean who doesn’t love that?! Oh well, better luck next time. Theo asked me to go to karaoke. So we are definitely doing that!

I hope you had a good week wherever you are. Wish you the best. Until next time! x

Lying in bed and listening to jazz music seems like a theme while writing these blogs. At the moment I am in the Netherlands but in a few hours I’ll be back in London in my small room and dirty kitchen. Luckily, there are a few things I do look forward to. Going to taskmaster, salsa, swimming and seeing the final cut of the documentary we made. There are also things I am dreading. Being in London, not getting enough sleep. hanging out on Tuesday with classmates I don’t click with, having to go down three flights of stairs for my laundry, being alone during weekends and the deadline for the photo book. If I am honest I am actually also looking forward to some me time. Just hanging out in the bath tub and reading a book. The habit of walking at least 10,000 steps is something I took with me to the Netherlands. The habit of not drinking alcohol and brushing my teeth not only in the morning but also in the evening is something I want to keep up with too. Alcohol is going well. Unfortunately peanut butter – Dutch joke – , I didn’t brush my teeth in the evening on two occasions. I will try to keep it up though in the future. I am still not drinking which I am proud of. There is one more thing I am looking forward to: going to Sky Garden with Theo.

What I am really looking forward to is going back to the Netherlands. To my little city that sometimes feels like a village. There are so many people I just know there and I come across just by walking on the street. I didn’t know that I loved that so much! My city is so beautiful. I can’t imagine living somewhere else. I love Zwolle. I mean I love Edinburgh, Bristol and Haarlem as well. But the bonds I have made with the people in Zwolle are everything to me. They are home. And I am looking forward to going home.

London was tougher than I thought. I was scared before I left and actually really wondered if it was the right decision. I was also dating at the time. Haha, luckily, I can resume my dating days when I return. I think I can properly reflect on my trip to London when I am actually finally back in the Netherlands. I have already printed photos and bought a photo book. This is the first time I’ll make this photo book differently. Being in London and following the class about photo books and seeing an old photo book in Camden town changed my idea of how to make one. I’ll use little corners to keep the photos in the book and I’ll be able to write text under it. I am looking forward to that.

I hope I will slow down a little once I am back in Zwollywood. Get more sleep and feel less impatient while waiting for a red light. I also love the Dutch language. I always longed to speak English and was happy for every opportunity I got to speak English but I must say I enjoy speaking Dutch. Also something I came to learn. I guess it’s loving both languages and unfortunately just being slightly better in expressing myself in Dutch. I have always known that I would never emigrate. Although the thought popped into my head twice which astonished me. But at the same time longing for Zwolle is also very prominent.

Why you say? Why do you want to be in that small town? London is much more exciting! Well, I like to bike through my city and enjoy that a park is only a five-minute walk. That a shop is only a two-minute walk and that there aren’t too many shops to choose from. I only miss a Tiger Tiger. That is a fun shop. I think I’ve become so used to Zwolle. I’ve lived there for nearly eleven years now. It feels like a safe place. But you never know what the future holds. But you know, I might just grow old in Zwollywood.

I enjoyed spending a week there. Seeing friends. Being in my favourite park. The sun was shining. The blossom on the trees. One was so pink. Bright pink. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like it before. I am so happy to be full of bewilderment. I also got the chance to play games in an Irish pub with my friends and go dancing afterwards. That was a good night.

Goodbye, until next time! And soon in low lands hahahaha. x

Traveling can be lonely and confronting. I have to say my experience in London hasn’t only been positive. As many things in life. It’s more something in between. I have to say that it was also hard. I didn’t get much sleep. I was either doing a lot or wishing I could do more. I was constantly on a train, bus or tube. Busy tubes. Canned in like a sardine and loud squeaky noises that makes you want to put your fingers in your ears. Feeling lonely on the bus. Feeling lonely at a remote place. I guess you can feel lonely anywhere. Back in the Netherlands or in London. But I have to say I just feel slightly safer in the Netherlands surrounded by people who know me and I have bonded with. I am very grateful though for the bonds I have made in these few months. I hope I will be able to meet these nice, funny, open and socially very intelligent people again. But I am so glad to be home for one week. My city is quiet and green. There are no sirens going off every second. I know I have to go back to London but I’d rather not. I have to go back because I have deadlines. I am looking forward to the viewing of the documentary I was part of. Making that documentary was a good experience. I am also looking forward to going to Taskmaster with Theo. It is one of my favourite shows. I only have to go to London for three more weeks and then I can finally settle back into my own home.

Yesterday I spent with my housemates. We all made a dish and enjoyed each other’s company. We had good laughs. Nice to see them. Today I’ll meet another friend. I had a walk in the early morning since I didn’t sleep that well. It was nice to walk around at sunrise and see how beautiful my city is. ‘My’ city. The city that I live in.

Currently I am lying in bed and my cat decided to join me. He is snoring. My plants didn’t all survive but I’ll try my best to revitalize them and I am considering shipping my plant from London to the Netherlands. It is a fig plant. Big and beautiful. The first thing I found consolation in. Who knows, the fig plant might get a beautiful spot in my living room.

Since I left my uncle Pat in Kilmarnock, I stayed in a hostel in Edinburgh. I think my uncle needed some time by himself. It did hurt to leave early but it was the best thing to do. I went to a hostel for the first time by myself. It was scary. It turned out to be a really nice hostel with really nice people. I met a woman named Becky. I think she took care of me in a way. She always had food for me and was always up for a chat. For her breakfast and dinner together were her favourite times of the day. It was a special connection. She is also really funny. We played pool and I taught her how to play it and two other girls joined. I got to spend time with them during the day too. It was nice to be able to spend time with people more around my age. Who knows, after this I might visit a hostel by myself again.

After the hostel in Edinburgh, what a beautiful city, I got to spend time with a really good friend. I have known him for 10 years now and we know we will be friends until we die. We just love each other and we go really well together. It is nice to have him over. We are staying in Glasgow at the moment. We have also visited Dunure. This is the place where I scattered the ashes of my dad with my moms. It was really special to be able to visit this place again. There is a wee castle and beautiful rocks. It is pretty remote. We enjoyed our time there together. Took plenty of photos and I took some shells and a rock with me. I saw a few flowers bundled up together suggesting that other people were being remembered there too. It’s a beautiful place.

We’ve also visited Stirling and enjoyed our time in a church and a graveyard. A bit random maybe but it was interesting. We talked about death, politics and religion. Other times we talk about love or friendship. We also got the chance to sit in a beautiful cafe that looked like a cave and had homemade rhubarb lemonade. Lovely. Just lovely. After that we accidentally got the train to Edinburgh and I decided I hád to see Becky. My friend wasn’t really up for it but it was close by and we didn’t stay long. He actually felt energized after seeing her. So that’s really good. Of course, she had a little meal for us ready and we had a good chat and a good laugh.

We’ve also been out to the club which was something my friend was really longing to do. I was quite tired but I found myself wanting to go and also wanting it for him. It was a really good night out and nice to be so comfortable around each other and dance like nobody’s watching. We walked back to the Airbnb which was a shorter walk than we thought. My friend, who was a bit tipsy, told me how much he loved me while we walked home. It was a good walk home.

And tomorrow I’ll finally actually be home. Only for a week. But home. I’m longing for it. After that week it’s one more month in London and then I’m really finally back home.

Encourage me in my adventures and I wish you the same too! Until next time! x