Dancing, school and a handsome man

Yesterday was a lovely day. I enjoyed dancing with a handsome man. He is also very gentle, kind and funny. He likes the way I dance. I enjoy his company. He picked me up and brought me home. He went back to the salsa party and I went exhausted to bed.

It’s been a rough week. I cried during class. After class, a man came up to me and he thought I would share his worldview which very few people do at our school. He was in for a ride. That conversation got heated. He had made a few statements in class a while ago that shocked many students including me. This time, when he directly started talking to me, I didn’t hold back. I had to say what it did to me and that I hope he wouldn’t make me or anyone else feel the same way. That having an opinion was fine, but that he should be careful how he says things and that the classroom should be a safe environment. I think my message came across. We’ll see how things will progress.

For the rest, my internship is becoming very tiring. A teacher can totally relate to me. She remembers coming home after her internship and that all her limbs were heavy. It is a lot to take in and I want to be the best teacher for my students, but it is hard to be the best teacher when you are learning. At school, I’m being taught different methods and my coach has a different approach. On top of that, the students also have an idea of how it should be done. I will ask them for feedback and try to implement that to the best of my abilities.

I miss Mause when he is away, but I truly enjoy his company. I wish I could also see this handsome salsa man more often and I can contribute to that by going to salsa in Deventer on Tuesdays. Fun!

I’ll be checking exams in the upcoming days and also learning for upcoming exams myself. I’ll visit the market today and get some bread, cheese and bananas. I’ve got plenty of candles which means I will skip getting candles today. This evening I have a Halloween party. I’ll be dressed as a witch.

I hope you are having a great time wherever you are and until next time! X

Checking exams by candle light.

A busy bee

I am so tired and busy that I barely have time left to write this blog. I fell asleep on the train, in the library and nearly behind the wheel. I am barely getting any rest. I must say I’ve come to the conclusion that the new housemate and I don’t click. You could say that that isn’t a problem but her SM sex was so loud that I finally decided to move. Plus, moving has been on my mind for the past four years and I think it is time now. I’m becoming a little older. I am nearly 29. I think it is time. I hope to find a lovely place of my own very soon. I have a place in mind. Let’s hope I get it.

For the rest, a lot of new things are happening. I quit my job and said goodbye to my therapist in the hope that I’ll soon find some new help. It is in the planning. I also kissed a boy and he kissed a girl. Well, me. That was a lot of fun. We danced the night away and at the end, we kissed. I made jokes, he made a few and the next day he came over and we went to the market. Hopefully, I can think of a better date next time, but I think we have a salsa party coming up with a dress code. Exciting.

My stomach hurts, my head hurts and I have a ‘beautiful’ wound in my face that hurts. I am very very sleep-deprived. Worried about exams that are coming up, living alone, finding a place, new help, housemates that will keep being annoying and I am also really digging into my past trying to make sense of it all. I could use a break, but I wouldn’t know how to actually get some rest. I think in a bit I’ll finish the washing and I’ll do some mindfulness and hopefully get some sleep.

I hope you are having a great week wherever you are and until next time! X

Be proud

I suppose things are going well. I quit my job. Can you imagine? The job that I longed for when I was in London. Before I left London I was so scared to lose this job. I thought it was one of those things that kept me going. Now that I am back it helped me in the first few months, but since I have an internship now, have to travel to school and to a village nearby, have to travel to school, it actually became too much. I didn’t expect that. Neither did I anticipate that Mondays were the busy days. So, I quit my job. It will give me some space to do my homework with a classmate on Sunday and not feel totally burnt out on Monday. It’s started feeling like a full-time job but then all over the place with lots of new faces. I feel like on the one hand it’s lovely that the covid restrictions are gone, but on the other hand, it can be overwhelming how many people I meet in one week. I had to get to know 150 names in one week. It just felt like too much and so I took action. I may be proud of myself. I’ll say my goodbyes soon and bring something typical Dutch: pepernoten. I like them. Tasty.

My stomach hurts. It could be from the raw aubergine my housemate made for me, but it could also be a bit of tension. I usually go and see a therapist. I didn’t see her in a year and somehow I thought that she was the only one that could properly help me out. Turns out that isn’t the case. Maybe my mental health isn’t necessarily dependent on the things I thought it would be. I suppose it starts with having clear goals and a routine. This routine can change of course. I’ve done so much by myself by now. Lived in another country and showed true discipline. That’s what I have learnt over the years: Showing up. Do the work. It’s the easiest in the end.

I think that there are other things that can help me too. Not talking about things that will overwhelm me but giving those subjects space when there is space with the right people. People that I trust, love and feel welcome around. I’d also like to talk to people that have life experience in the same areas as I do.

There is one more thing. There might be no need for despair anymore. Just because I lost a lot along the way doesn’t mean life can’t be beautiful now and in the future. It can be happy and I can feel grateful, hopeful, loving and caring. I’ve got so much going for me.

I may be proud of myself.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! x

Discovered a new cocktail bar ❤

Keep balls in the air

Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t had much sleep. I’m not getting the help that I need. Luckily, a friend stepped in and he is prepared to look at my diary with me weekly. I really just want to watch movies with him, but unfortunately, there is no time left.

I am doing my best though. I am teaching two classes. I think I am really bonding with one of those classes. They are depending on me and I feel a sense of responsibility to help them. They are curious and mostly respectful. This makes it a nice class. The other class is a bigger class with new students in it. They get a break in the middle of my class which takes me out of the flow of teaching. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time left to bond with them, since they are interrupting my class a lot of the time. Let’s see if I can focus a little more on the bonding process with them.

Upcoming Sunday another student of English will come over to Zwolle. We’ll make homework together for the fourth time. He arranged a weekend ticket for the train which ensures a cheaper way of transportation for him and I kept all of my Sundays free for him. Apparently, we like the collaboration.

I still love to tutor my pupils. I have been doing that for three years now and I still meet new students and it keeps on being funny, interesting, and a place of learning for me. I wish that could just be my full-time job, but sadly, the job does not pay very well.

The lessons I get are useful. I like that. They are preparing me for a big exam and are guiding me to develop my vision of teaching. They are also helping me with tips to make an online product that I can use in my classroom. A lot of new people, books, homework, insights, and environments for me.

I hope you are having a good time where ever you are and until next time! X

Trying out new teacher outfits