I have a dream Martin Luther King once said. Well, I suppose I have a dream too. I’m not completely sure what the dream is but I think I actually just deep down might know. Let’s start. What I am very sure of is that there is a kid in my life. Preferably a biological child. This could be a daughter or a son. What would their name be? Does that matter the most? Maybe not. I just want a kid in my life. Why? Because I will finally have the family I never had or maybe used to have but lost. And hopefully it will be better. The kid will have a well educated mom who has a job, security and money to take care of the kid. I want to put some money aside just in case the kid decides to go to college one day. The kid has to become her/his own person just like me one day. I want to encourage it in his/her dreams. But for now: my dream. I want to become an English teacher and I actually have a place in mind that could be perfect for me. It’s in my own city and a very creative school. Who knows, maybe one day they will have a spot for me. For the rest I hope to be able to do a sport/hobby at least one day a week and be able to be out of the house. This could be kickboxing, dancing, swimming, yoga. Something like this. I’ll have a wonderful nanny – just like I used to be – who will take care of the kid and hopefully have loads of fun with the kiddo. I might just want to become a mom by myself. I have always wanted to become a mom on my own and have one kid. It’s the way I grew up I suppose. The only thing that might change it is a partner who comes into my life that I love and will take care of and he of me and that he’ll love me of course but I am not sure if he will be the farther of my kid. It could also be a human being I meet later along the way. I know very clearly what I am doing. I have been studying for quite a while now and I know that I am nearly ready to buy that house with a garden and a bathtub that I have been longing for my whole life. Just a bathtub would be so amazing. I would spend loads of time in it and read books or just hang out. A house with a cat flap that will enable my cat Mause to go in and out of the house as he pleases. Let’s hope he won’t scratch my child. I’ll have to keep an eye on them. Oh, oh, oh. That cat. Silly cat. I love him though. I am glad he is here. Mausie. And I don’t think I need much more. The only very important thing is that I’ll still be able to see my friends and family and that with the help of a nanny or a friend who would like to look after my kid. Friends are everything to me. In a way they are family. I’ve lost a lot of family but I suppose I also gained family in a way. I’ll still see other family too from time to time. Maybe a birthday or another reason or just because I want to see them. Maybe the birthday of the kid. That could be a reason. Omg, this life just sounds so wonderful to me. Maybe I it won’t all be a bed of roses but somehow I believe in this dream. I might miss a partner from time to time but I think I’ll be able to connect with others in a loving and meaningful way and who knows who I’ll meet along the way. You never know. Yes, this is my dream. It is a very clear dream.
What will I be giving up for this dream? I won’t live with two of my wonderful friends any longer. I won’t be able to go on a holiday with them that easily any more. I won’t eat with them every week. I won’t listen to hear how their day was and be able to encourage them as easily as I do know in their dreams. I’ll be their friend though and I hope forever. They made such an impression on my life. They know me through and through and I know them through and through. They are like a brother and sister to me. It will be hard to say goodbye. But it’s not goodbye forever. One day we’ll just go our own way. That’s what life is I suppose. I won’t be able to do as many hobbies as I do now. Maybe I won’t be able to try something that easily. Something new. But I suppose somehow I always will. The kid will grow older too and have it’s own sport/hobby and I’ll have time to explore again too. I don’t know what my life will look like once the kids decides to live on it’s own but you never know. I might be happy being able to see my friends a little more and doing sports and hobbies. I might have met that wonderful partner. Somehow it sounds pretty nice to me. Maybe it’s because it’s my dream.