Adjusting to my new life

I am sitting on my sofa. My cat is close to me. I guess it is a scary time for him. After living at one place for so long and then a big change comes along, it means uncertainess to him. He jumps up on my lap, while he never used to do that. I guess it makes him feel more safe being near me. It actually calms me down as well. So, it has a good effect on both of us.

I can’t say that I miss my old place. It’s just that I was ready for a more calmer place. It’s very green here. There are blue tits, a robin and black birds. Flowers, trees and all the neighbours are very happy with my plants.

I finally had some time today to do some schoolwork. That is positive! And just having the maps of the U.K., America and Canada on the wall starts up a conversation when I have guests over which actually helps me study.

I guess through all of the changes and the bad news I just received, I am managing pretty well. My broken toe hurts and so does my back. I’ve ordered a lot of food lately, since I am too tired to even move a limb but I’ll get adjusted to everything and will have more energy left to cook. For sure.

New place

I’ve been living at my new place for a little over a week now. My old housemate just texted me with a joke about a famous football manager who’s English is infamous. Funny. Nice to hear from her. I haven’t had enough lunch and I woke up very early and my body is telling me to either eat and/or have a rest.

I just disoovered an L.P. Kiss me Kate. It’s great. I love it. The washing machine and the fridge are delivered. The first wash is already spinning in the washing machine. As we would say in Dutch: ‘kleine wasjes, grote wasjes, stop ze in de wasmachine’. It’s a song. A man also came to measure the glass in order to get better isolated glass in the windows. It won’t be here after the winter, though. That’s unfortunate. My sofa might take as long to be delivered. I’ve got a loan sofa though. That’s good. Now I can properly celebrate my birthday at my new place. I’m 28 and I have my own place. Who would have thought that. Plus, I’ve got a garden. In the city centre! Crazy. The only thing I still long for is a bath tub. I still have things to long for in the future.

Enjoying candle light and plants ❤

Mi casa

I’ve moved. Not to another city. Not to another country but just five minutes away. It’s really exciting. Also, stressful. My back hurts and I broke my toe. Got big feet, and sometimes my feet just get hurt. My friends helped me. We didn’t have much time to talk or catch up but it was great to have them there and the occasional joke was funny.

I really wanted to be here. At my new place. I’ve slept here for the past few days on a very thin mat on the floor. Mause, my cat, would sleep at the end of my bed. He does wake me up in the middle of the night. I think he’d rather be outside sometimes but he does like company. He comes and sits close to you and he purrs. Happy cat. He already made ‘friends’ with the neighbouring cat. They hissed at each other with a window between them.

I have discovered that I have a lot of plants and a lot of lamps. The plants are a bit overwhelming. I’ll need to find good spots for them since it feels a little crowded. My ginkgo isn’t looking too happy. They told me it needs water every day and I thought that can’t be true but it’s already getting yellow leaves. Another plant I chopped off accidentally. It might grow roots again. It was my favourite. I can buy a new one if necessary. One plant is hanging, but it used to get support while hanging in some ropes and was able to lean against said ropes. The rest of the plants look quite happy. Good to have a hobby I suppose. A hobby maybe gotten out of had a bit. I didn’t have much to do this summer and I just bought loads of plants and took care of them.

I need to figure out a way to hang up my sheets after they are washed. A new fridge, a new washing machine, a new hoover and a new sofa are all things I still need to get. I would also prefer some new chairs over the chairs I have now.

I’ve got a lot of extra space now and everything to myself. I won’t have to deal with girls who just turned twenty and I don’t click with who I share a floor with and more importantly a wall. Yep. It’s all over. I am all by myself now. Mausehause no more. I’ve lived with Anna for four years and with Jelle nearly for four years as well. Luckily I can still do all kinds of things with them. Cook together, celebrate my birthday and celebrate New Year’s Eve. And all that in my new roomy living room. What a life, what a life.

A new door is opened

It’s cold. My bed stands directly next to the huge window. Not for long, because in 6 days I’ll be sleeping at my new place. Yes, I’ve got a new place. I’m moving to a cute apartment on the ground floor with a garden. The view is lovely. There is a little park filled with plants, trees and winding paths. It’s finding little mysteries at every corner. It’s not that mysterious, since every weekend a load of people comes passing by with a guide who shows off the area. It’s not the best kept secret, this little garden in the middle of the city centre. It’s actually in the North. That finally makes it possible for me to get a parking space since I was already living in the city centre, but not in the North and apparently it comes with its perks to be living in the North. Now, it feels like I’m living near the North Pole. It’s cold, but not that cold.

I’ve been painting the walls white and driving my car full of plants towards my new place. Today I’ll be driving my car that way once again. Who knows, the neighbour and my former neighbour, who are friends, by the way, might come and help me out. I can count on a lot of help. That is lovely. It makes me feel loved, helped and safe. And, it’s gezellig. A word that can’t be translated from Dutch to English. It’s just nice to have loving people around and they give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside and you can laugh with them.

My mind is a little occupied by this move, but afterwards, I can get back to studying for my exams and therapy. I am actually looking forward to therapy. I know exactly what I want to talk about and who knows, it just might all hurt a little less with a few more insights.

Life moves fast. My life is moving at a pace I somehow manage to keep up with. There are beautiful things in my life and coming my way. Friends, family, a study that will turn into a job, my cat, my plants, my new place. Candlelight, a new sofa, a place to invite others to come and eat. And who knows, one day I might meet my prince charming.

I hope you are having a great time wherever you are and until next time! X

The door is opened to new possibilities!

Dancing, school and a handsome man

Yesterday was a lovely day. I enjoyed dancing with a handsome man. He is also very gentle, kind and funny. He likes the way I dance. I enjoy his company. He picked me up and brought me home. He went back to the salsa party and I went exhausted to bed.

It’s been a rough week. I cried during class. After class, a man came up to me and he thought I would share his worldview which very few people do at our school. He was in for a ride. That conversation got heated. He had made a few statements in class a while ago that shocked many students including me. This time, when he directly started talking to me, I didn’t hold back. I had to say what it did to me and that I hope he wouldn’t make me or anyone else feel the same way. That having an opinion was fine, but that he should be careful how he says things and that the classroom should be a safe environment. I think my message came across. We’ll see how things will progress.

For the rest, my internship is becoming very tiring. A teacher can totally relate to me. She remembers coming home after her internship and that all her limbs were heavy. It is a lot to take in and I want to be the best teacher for my students, but it is hard to be the best teacher when you are learning. At school, I’m being taught different methods and my coach has a different approach. On top of that, the students also have an idea of how it should be done. I will ask them for feedback and try to implement that to the best of my abilities.

I miss Mause when he is away, but I truly enjoy his company. I wish I could also see this handsome salsa man more often and I can contribute to that by going to salsa in Deventer on Tuesdays. Fun!

I’ll be checking exams in the upcoming days and also learning for upcoming exams myself. I’ll visit the market today and get some bread, cheese and bananas. I’ve got plenty of candles which means I will skip getting candles today. This evening I have a Halloween party. I’ll be dressed as a witch.

I hope you are having a great time wherever you are and until next time! X

Checking exams by candle light.

A busy bee

I am so tired and busy that I barely have time left to write this blog. I fell asleep on the train, in the library and nearly behind the wheel. I am barely getting any rest. I must say I’ve come to the conclusion that the new housemate and I don’t click. You could say that that isn’t a problem but her SM sex was so loud that I finally decided to move. Plus, moving has been on my mind for the past four years and I think it is time now. I’m becoming a little older. I am nearly 29. I think it is time. I hope to find a lovely place of my own very soon. I have a place in mind. Let’s hope I get it.

For the rest, a lot of new things are happening. I quit my job and said goodbye to my therapist in the hope that I’ll soon find some new help. It is in the planning. I also kissed a boy and he kissed a girl. Well, me. That was a lot of fun. We danced the night away and at the end, we kissed. I made jokes, he made a few and the next day he came over and we went to the market. Hopefully, I can think of a better date next time, but I think we have a salsa party coming up with a dress code. Exciting.

My stomach hurts, my head hurts and I have a ‘beautiful’ wound in my face that hurts. I am very very sleep-deprived. Worried about exams that are coming up, living alone, finding a place, new help, housemates that will keep being annoying and I am also really digging into my past trying to make sense of it all. I could use a break, but I wouldn’t know how to actually get some rest. I think in a bit I’ll finish the washing and I’ll do some mindfulness and hopefully get some sleep.

I hope you are having a great week wherever you are and until next time! X

Be proud

I suppose things are going well. I quit my job. Can you imagine? The job that I longed for when I was in London. Before I left London I was so scared to lose this job. I thought it was one of those things that kept me going. Now that I am back it helped me in the first few months, but since I have an internship now, have to travel to school and to a village nearby, have to travel to school, it actually became too much. I didn’t expect that. Neither did I anticipate that Mondays were the busy days. So, I quit my job. It will give me some space to do my homework with a classmate on Sunday and not feel totally burnt out on Monday. It’s started feeling like a full-time job but then all over the place with lots of new faces. I feel like on the one hand it’s lovely that the covid restrictions are gone, but on the other hand, it can be overwhelming how many people I meet in one week. I had to get to know 150 names in one week. It just felt like too much and so I took action. I may be proud of myself. I’ll say my goodbyes soon and bring something typical Dutch: pepernoten. I like them. Tasty.

My stomach hurts. It could be from the raw aubergine my housemate made for me, but it could also be a bit of tension. I usually go and see a therapist. I didn’t see her in a year and somehow I thought that she was the only one that could properly help me out. Turns out that isn’t the case. Maybe my mental health isn’t necessarily dependent on the things I thought it would be. I suppose it starts with having clear goals and a routine. This routine can change of course. I’ve done so much by myself by now. Lived in another country and showed true discipline. That’s what I have learnt over the years: Showing up. Do the work. It’s the easiest in the end.

I think that there are other things that can help me too. Not talking about things that will overwhelm me but giving those subjects space when there is space with the right people. People that I trust, love and feel welcome around. I’d also like to talk to people that have life experience in the same areas as I do.

There is one more thing. There might be no need for despair anymore. Just because I lost a lot along the way doesn’t mean life can’t be beautiful now and in the future. It can be happy and I can feel grateful, hopeful, loving and caring. I’ve got so much going for me.

I may be proud of myself.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! x

Discovered a new cocktail bar ❤

Keep balls in the air

Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t had much sleep. I’m not getting the help that I need. Luckily, a friend stepped in and he is prepared to look at my diary with me weekly. I really just want to watch movies with him, but unfortunately, there is no time left.

I am doing my best though. I am teaching two classes. I think I am really bonding with one of those classes. They are depending on me and I feel a sense of responsibility to help them. They are curious and mostly respectful. This makes it a nice class. The other class is a bigger class with new students in it. They get a break in the middle of my class which takes me out of the flow of teaching. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time left to bond with them, since they are interrupting my class a lot of the time. Let’s see if I can focus a little more on the bonding process with them.

Upcoming Sunday another student of English will come over to Zwolle. We’ll make homework together for the fourth time. He arranged a weekend ticket for the train which ensures a cheaper way of transportation for him and I kept all of my Sundays free for him. Apparently, we like the collaboration.

I still love to tutor my pupils. I have been doing that for three years now and I still meet new students and it keeps on being funny, interesting, and a place of learning for me. I wish that could just be my full-time job, but sadly, the job does not pay very well.

The lessons I get are useful. I like that. They are preparing me for a big exam and are guiding me to develop my vision of teaching. They are also helping me with tips to make an online product that I can use in my classroom. A lot of new people, books, homework, insights, and environments for me.

I hope you are having a good time where ever you are and until next time! X

Trying out new teacher outfits

Sending digital hugs

I’m home. I’m ill at home, which is fine in a way. It gives me some downtime. When your head is aching and mucus is coming out of your nose, your bed is just a wonderful place to be. I am listening to jazz at the moment. Specifically to the tribute trio.

I am a bit chaotic and especially untidy. There are many tabs open and alerts keep popping up and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I get no alerts on my phone. I like to live in the moment. If I want to open an app, I will, but not because my phone and an alert tell me to. It’s a nice way of living. I also enjoy the app Headspace. It helps me see other perspectives, and be grateful and kind to others.

I had a bad day yesterday, but fortunately, I had all day to recover from it. I got the opportunity to read a little in the book that my students are reading called ‘To sir with love’. I wish I owned a bathtub. I would sit in it multiple times a week and enjoy the calmness of the hot water and a good book. Luckily I own a nice shower and the bathroom is so big, it lends itself to dancing broadly all over the bathroom. Good music, hot water and let’s go!

I hope I’ll sleep well tonight and that the headache will subside tomorrow. I don’t expect the runny nose to be gone, but that’s okay. My roommate will cook for me and my other roommate, which is nice. It’s caring and I think it gives him purpose. He has another week off and not much to do and he is helping us out which is much appreciated. If we all move someday, I will miss them so much. Jelle was away for one week and I already missed him, haha! I’m glad he went though. I stimulated him in going on this trip to Scotland and he had a wonderful time.

Edinburgh is a wonderful place. I have many pictures of my experience there. Especially whilst climbing a mountain. St. Arthur, I believe it is called. He had seen some of the same places and stayed at the same hostel which he was very positive about.

I hope you are having a wonderful time wherever you are and until next time! X

This is me being far from home for so long that I was sending them a digital hug from Edinburgh ❤

A new day

Yesterday was a hard day, but the rest of the week was great and today is a new day. Today I’ll pick up some photos at the Hema. I love this store since it brings a lot of joy into my life. Candles are lit and photographs are on walls, in a frame or without a frame and they are frequently rearranged. I even have plants from there. They were my first plants. I bought plants there and gifted them. They are still alive and bring joy to others.

Buying new shoes can be rewarding if I finally find a pair and once I have brought them home and worn them, they still fit well. Only then it is rewarding, but since I have big feet it is nightmare buying shoes. Whoever is reading this and has tips, they are very much welcome!

I’ll also have to do some homework and I will start with that. I have three choices regarding that and somehow I feel like starting with the one that wasn’t obliged. Afterwards, I still need to prepare a call and then I can finally enjoy a shower and some breakfast. Hmm, maybe I need to rearrange the order of those things a little bit.

My cat is home, but he already wants to leave. He has better places to go, other people who feed him, and more adventures coming up.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! X