I am so tired and busy that I barely have time left to write this blog. I fell asleep on the train, in the library and nearly behind the wheel. I am barely getting any rest. I must say I’ve come to the conclusion that the new housemate and I don’t click. You could say that that isn’t a problem but her SM sex was so loud that I finally decided to move. Plus, moving has been on my mind for the past four years and I think it is time now. I’m becoming a little older. I am nearly 29. I think it is time. I hope to find a lovely place of my own very soon. I have a place in mind. Let’s hope I get it.

For the rest, a lot of new things are happening. I quit my job and said goodbye to my therapist in the hope that I’ll soon find some new help. It is in the planning. I also kissed a boy and he kissed a girl. Well, me. That was a lot of fun. We danced the night away and at the end, we kissed. I made jokes, he made a few and the next day he came over and we went to the market. Hopefully, I can think of a better date next time, but I think we have a salsa party coming up with a dress code. Exciting.

My stomach hurts, my head hurts and I have a ‘beautiful’ wound in my face that hurts. I am very very sleep-deprived. Worried about exams that are coming up, living alone, finding a place, new help, housemates that will keep being annoying and I am also really digging into my past trying to make sense of it all. I could use a break, but I wouldn’t know how to actually get some rest. I think in a bit I’ll finish the washing and I’ll do some mindfulness and hopefully get some sleep.

I hope you are having a great week wherever you are and until next time! X

I suppose things are going well. I quit my job. Can you imagine? The job that I longed for when I was in London. Before I left London I was so scared to lose this job. I thought it was one of those things that kept me going. Now that I am back it helped me in the first few months, but since I have an internship now, have to travel to school and to a village nearby, have to travel to school, it actually became too much. I didn’t expect that. Neither did I anticipate that Mondays were the busy days. So, I quit my job. It will give me some space to do my homework with a classmate on Sunday and not feel totally burnt out on Monday. It’s started feeling like a full-time job but then all over the place with lots of new faces. I feel like on the one hand it’s lovely that the covid restrictions are gone, but on the other hand, it can be overwhelming how many people I meet in one week. I had to get to know 150 names in one week. It just felt like too much and so I took action. I may be proud of myself. I’ll say my goodbyes soon and bring something typical Dutch: pepernoten. I like them. Tasty.

My stomach hurts. It could be from the raw aubergine my housemate made for me, but it could also be a bit of tension. I usually go and see a therapist. I didn’t see her in a year and somehow I thought that she was the only one that could properly help me out. Turns out that isn’t the case. Maybe my mental health isn’t necessarily dependent on the things I thought it would be. I suppose it starts with having clear goals and a routine. This routine can change of course. I’ve done so much by myself by now. Lived in another country and showed true discipline. That’s what I have learnt over the years: Showing up. Do the work. It’s the easiest in the end.

I think that there are other things that can help me too. Not talking about things that will overwhelm me but giving those subjects space when there is space with the right people. People that I trust, love and feel welcome around. I’d also like to talk to people that have life experience in the same areas as I do.

There is one more thing. There might be no need for despair anymore. Just because I lost a lot along the way doesn’t mean life can’t be beautiful now and in the future. It can be happy and I can feel grateful, hopeful, loving and caring. I’ve got so much going for me.

I may be proud of myself.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! x

Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t had much sleep. I’m not getting the help that I need. Luckily, a friend stepped in and he is prepared to look at my diary with me weekly. I really just want to watch movies with him, but unfortunately, there is no time left.

I am doing my best though. I am teaching two classes. I think I am really bonding with one of those classes. They are depending on me and I feel a sense of responsibility to help them. They are curious and mostly respectful. This makes it a nice class. The other class is a bigger class with new students in it. They get a break in the middle of my class which takes me out of the flow of teaching. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time left to bond with them, since they are interrupting my class a lot of the time. Let’s see if I can focus a little more on the bonding process with them.

Upcoming Sunday another student of English will come over to Zwolle. We’ll make homework together for the fourth time. He arranged a weekend ticket for the train which ensures a cheaper way of transportation for him and I kept all of my Sundays free for him. Apparently, we like the collaboration.

I still love to tutor my pupils. I have been doing that for three years now and I still meet new students and it keeps on being funny, interesting, and a place of learning for me. I wish that could just be my full-time job, but sadly, the job does not pay very well.

The lessons I get are useful. I like that. They are preparing me for a big exam and are guiding me to develop my vision of teaching. They are also helping me with tips to make an online product that I can use in my classroom. A lot of new people, books, homework, insights, and environments for me.

I hope you are having a good time where ever you are and until next time! X

I’m home. I’m ill at home, which is fine in a way. It gives me some downtime. When your head is aching and mucus is coming out of your nose, your bed is just a wonderful place to be. I am listening to jazz at the moment. Specifically to the tribute trio.

I am a bit chaotic and especially untidy. There are many tabs open and alerts keep popping up and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I get no alerts on my phone. I like to live in the moment. If I want to open an app, I will, but not because my phone and an alert tell me to. It’s a nice way of living. I also enjoy the app Headspace. It helps me see other perspectives, and be grateful and kind to others.

I had a bad day yesterday, but fortunately, I had all day to recover from it. I got the opportunity to read a little in the book that my students are reading called ‘To sir with love’. I wish I owned a bathtub. I would sit in it multiple times a week and enjoy the calmness of the hot water and a good book. Luckily I own a nice shower and the bathroom is so big, it lends itself to dancing broadly all over the bathroom. Good music, hot water and let’s go!

I hope I’ll sleep well tonight and that the headache will subside tomorrow. I don’t expect the runny nose to be gone, but that’s okay. My roommate will cook for me and my other roommate, which is nice. It’s caring and I think it gives him purpose. He has another week off and not much to do and he is helping us out which is much appreciated. If we all move someday, I will miss them so much. Jelle was away for one week and I already missed him, haha! I’m glad he went though. I stimulated him in going on this trip to Scotland and he had a wonderful time.

Edinburgh is a wonderful place. I have many pictures of my experience there. Especially whilst climbing a mountain. St. Arthur, I believe it is called. He had seen some of the same places and stayed at the same hostel which he was very positive about.

I hope you are having a wonderful time wherever you are and until next time! X

Yesterday was a hard day, but the rest of the week was great and today is a new day. Today I’ll pick up some photos at the Hema. I love this store since it brings a lot of joy into my life. Candles are lit and photographs are on walls, in a frame or without a frame and they are frequently rearranged. I even have plants from there. They were my first plants. I bought plants there and gifted them. They are still alive and bring joy to others.

Buying new shoes can be rewarding if I finally find a pair and once I have brought them home and worn them, they still fit well. Only then it is rewarding, but since I have big feet it is nightmare buying shoes. Whoever is reading this and has tips, they are very much welcome!

I’ll also have to do some homework and I will start with that. I have three choices regarding that and somehow I feel like starting with the one that wasn’t obliged. Afterwards, I still need to prepare a call and then I can finally enjoy a shower and some breakfast. Hmm, maybe I need to rearrange the order of those things a little bit.

My cat is home, but he already wants to leave. He has better places to go, other people who feed him, and more adventures coming up.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! X

It’s cold and grey outside. The jazz music is playing. I am typing. My stomach is hurting. I am finally writing. I have made myself comfortable under two blankets and two pillows. There is even a pillow under my laptop which enables me to relax my legs instead of keeping the laptop at eye level by bending my legs and balancing the laptop on my legs. After all these months I have found this life hack. It’s nice to be comfortable.

This evening I’ll put all the candles on and a good friend will be coming over and I’ll cook vegan for him, we’ll watch a movie and joke about which actor/actress is good looking. It sounds like a lovely day. OMG! I am just happy to not date for a while. I mean I will miss some attention once in a while. Nevertheless, if the alternative is spending time with loved ones and less stress, I am signing up!

Today I also want to get some pots. This way I can repot some plants that clearly need more room. They have been living inside the same pot for too long. The neighbour gave me this great advice. I just carry the pots on the back of my bike or maybe in a huge bag that I can hang on the steering wheel.

This week has been crazy busy. I had a date and prior to the date I slept horribly. The date wasn’t that great. Can happen. We still enjoyed playing football though and I think I should listen to more of my records. We listened to jazz together. It makes me so so happy.

I stayed over at my mothers’s house. I didn’t sleep very well but I liked being able to work outside with one of my moms. Ploughing through the earth and being able to harvest some veggies that I ate yesterday with my housemates. I think cooking has become much more a thing in my life. I also really like cooking for others and discovering new recipes via others. I hope to cook for my niece soon. She came to live in my city Zwollywood and I am absolutely loving it. We are bumping into each other all the time and taking pictures together. Fun! Playing with the frisbee, lending her some books, giving her a plant. I hope she’ll like it here. I don’t mind having my niece in my lovely city.

I am also busy with homework and with my new internship. I love it. It is scary but I love presenting. It’s drama in a way. I like to take the stage and be the centre of attention. I like to see how all these faces smile when I do. I like the interaction. I love speaking English. Yes, yes, I am becoming an English teacher. A teacher of English.

I’ve come up with a great lesson for next week. It involves a skateboard and a pocketknife. I’ll tell you more about that but for now it will remain a mystery…

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next week! X

I’ve got good stories. I found someone’s card outside and decided the find the owner. I came across an elderly lady who was walking her dog. She told me there were different sizes of her dog and that hers was one of the smaller ones. She knew the name that was written on the card. It was very familiar to her. She took me to her place and we searched all the names that were written next to the bells that belonged to the flat. We didn’t find the name at the first flat but there it was at the second flat where she lived. It happened to be her neighbour. She invited me into her home and looked up the telephone number of the neighbour. I gave her my details just in case we would need it to complete this quest. The next day the adventure ended with an English student, just like myself, showing up at my door and getting her card back that belonged to a bank which she was going to need on her travels to England. We said our goodbyes and that’s the end of the story.

I’ve also managed to find an internship. I had an interview yesterday and I can start immediately next week. I’ll be standing in front of the class all by myself teaching English to students that sometimes aren’t even that much younger than myself. It will be a new adventure.

I am also getting quite close to this guy I’ve met online. We speak to each other every day. It’s like having a friend in your pocket and he goes wherever you go. I hope we will like each other when we finally meet. This is also a new adventure.

School has started and I am meeting up with people I know and getting to know people. New classes, new expectations but still the same teachers and school. I guess in some way it is nice to be a third year. You already know a few things about the study and you know the building which just makes life slightly easier. More convenient. I do miss one particular student though! Very much! He had to stop with his studies because of his health. It actually makes me very sad. Maybe I can write him a card…

I’ve also started work again. You could say same old same old, but there are actually a few new students. Next week I’ll be working there on Monday. It means I have a busy week coming up. This week is also very busy already. I’m trying to manage my time to the best of my advantages. We’ll see. I’ll try to do my homework today and tomorrow. Maybe I’ll try to do some in the train on my way to school next week. Or Sunday morning. I’ll figure it out.

Nice that all of these new adventures have started and that I took my responsibility to get an internship and that I am doing it! Cool! Plus, I am not too cool for school. Let’s goooooo!

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! X

I kept a blog a day. That was interesting. It’s much easier and interesting to write about what happened rather than what is going to happen. So, this blog will be about the past week.

Monday was a rough start. I wasn’t feeling too good. I managed though. I had multiple phone calls, got a new towel, did some grocery shopping, went swimming, enjoyed a nice view for how much of it I could enjoy since I spent that day in my head. I was excited about the day before that though.

Sunday was nice. I met with a friend and he offered me to go on a skiing trip together. Pumped! We saw horses. One farted. We walked over a shitty route. I laughed at how uncomfortable he was on a bike. He enjoyed it anyway. Riding the bike I mean. We went to see some wakeboarders. I called them water dudes.

Tuesday. Tuesday was a weird day. A full day. Initially I had nothing to do and then I decided to go to the library. I told a complete stranger something very intimate. I met with a guy online who I might go on a date one day. I bumped into my niece and a very good friend of mine called. We sat down, talked about our friendship and what was going on in her life. Afterwards I cooked dinner and talked to my housemate, got my heels and my car key and left to Deventer to go salsa dancing. For the first two danced I was shaking. Literally. I didn’t notice but people told me who asked me to dance. It was a bit of a full day with a lot of impressions. After all of the dancing I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to dance with someone I met the week before as much as I liked and I called my housemate. We talked. We talked about dating and about a common friend and it calmed me down. I was ready to drive home. When I came home he gave me a hug, we ate something and went to bed.

Wednesday. I was supposed to go kickboxing but I cancelled and this made sure that I had enough energy to go salsa dancing in Zwolle. During the day I chatted with this guy I met on the internet. We did a videocall again. I took him to my favourite park. I showed him a beautiful tree, a lovely old street, people enjoying the sun. We talked and had discussions which was maybe a little too much for me. Usually I don’t like discussions that much and I was tired and it could’ve been the reason I got into one. But you know, maybe it is part of getting to know each other. That part is going really fast by the way. In the evening I went salsa dancing and it was hilarious. There was a guy with sunglasses in his hair and a tie-dyed shirt who made the silliest joke I’ve ever heard. I could repeat it but you know… Maybe not. He would shake my arms when he heard bells in the music. The whole thing was hilarious. Okay, here goes the joke: did you know that they put soap on the dancefloor at the first of April? No. That’s because they don’t. It’s the first of April. Just let that sink in. Hahaha, just so stupid. But he was a nice guy and I got the chance to dance the rueda. That was so much fun. At one point I was imitating a car. I was surprised and filled with joy at the same time. I hope to go salsa dancing again with all of them next Friday.

Thursday. I was meant to go to Dalfsen. A little village nearby. I didn’t. Plans were rearranged. I had a chilled morning. I started to have horrible cramps. I was knackered. The guy that I met online wanted to videocall once again about something very deep and I was really not up for it. I call him later that evening and explained why. He told me I didn’t have to explain and that he would take it down a notch. That was very chill. I somehow managed to cook dinner for myself that day. I was in such pain. I did meet up with a friend though. We played football. The cramps came later. It was nice to see this friend. I called him later in the evening. He is such a patient and calming and fun presence. Happy to have him in my life.

Friday. Oh, that was a good day. I enjoyed a calm start of the day with writing three things down that I am grateful for, writing my blog and mindfulness. I was knackered once again but managed to sell an item of Marktplaats. It’s the Dutch E-Bay I suppose. Then I knew I had to get dressed because I would meet with a friend in the park. I showered, ate something and still managed to be too late. Brushed my teeth, got a sandwich from the supermarket and made my way to the park. We talked about men, the future, her holiday, friends and we played beachball. We both went home and I did some laundry, relaxed and then discovered that both my housemates were ill and that could possibly explain why I was feeling a bit off too. Our old housemate came to visit us and we ordered food and went to a silent disco. We danced truly silly. It was nice to be with the four of us again. I suppose you don’t know what you miss until that friendly interested soft presence is there again to join you in adventures. We hugged each other and it makes me long for old times but it’s good to know she is just around the corner.

Saturday was a nice day too. I went to the market and the supermarket in the morning when I still had the energy. I bought beautiful flowers. Violets and something that blooms in autumn. Can you believe it? It’s autumn but it’s nearly thirty degrees Celsius. I got to play with a frisbee in the park with a friend, got stung by a bee, made dinner for three and after that still visited my niece. Before the park I bumped into my niece, nephew and aunt. That was lovely. We sat down together and enjoyed each other’s company. It was a busy day and I didn’t stay for too long at my niece’s new place. She really like her new plant though that I gave her.

And today it is Sunday. When I look back at this I can see how much I actually do. Especially for a week where I had no work and did a little bit of study. I suppose I am a very active person and I like to be surrounded by people. I really do. Maybe that is nice about having housemates. They are simply the best dun dun dun dun!

Today will hopefully be a relaxed day. I hope to talk to the guy I’ve been chatting with lately. Maybe a nice walk, I might come across my cat who gave us a visit this week and I’ll take care of the plants. I’ll have a nice shower and read a little bit. Who knows, this evening there is an outdoor cinema. I might ask our old housemate to go and see Aladdin.

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! X

There are so many songs with Saturday in it. I like the one Elton John sang. Or better: sings. I mean he is still alive. Not like my heroes Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Omg, if I could have one day with them and listening to their songs, that would be magical. Now, I’ll have to enjoy my record. I have been spinning records lately. The Beatles. I also sang ‘Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly…’ but my English friend didn’t even recognise it! Shame! Oh well.

Today I have nothing planned. The only thing I know is that I think I might get some bread at the market. It’s about a ten-minute walk. I like that about living in the city centre. Everything is in close proximity. I also really love living in my city because all my wonderful friends live here. I thought about my time in London and how lonely I’ve also been there and how wonderful it is to have so many close friends here that know me so well and that I can have fun with and love.

I woke up really happy today. I went to the silent disco with friends. With Mausehause! We enjoyed ourselves so much. We danced stupidly and sang loudly. We enjoyed each other company whilst eating food and having some tea. We lit some self-made candles and hugged each other. Yes, yes, very mushy. I enjoyed it.

I hope you are well wherever you are and until next time! X

The day began with the curtains shut and they stayed shut just as my eyes stayed shut. There was little movement in my body. Agonising pain was torturing me. I felt like staying under my safe soft warm duvet for the whole day.

I couldn’t. The doorbell rang. I put on my bathrobe and walked down two flights of stairs as quickly as possible. The doorbell rang again. My hair was fussy. I opened the door and she said: ‘Oh I am little early’. I said: ‘Oh sorry, I had to come from two flights of stairs.’ She gave me the money and I her item.

I chatted with a unknown man on my phone, showered, got dressed, took care of the plants, ate, brushed my teeth and went to the park. There I met a friend. She lied in the sun and she let me enjoy the shadow. We saw a rainbow and chatted. We played beachball and both left. I enjoyed it.

I went home, put the laundry in the washing machine, sat on my balcony, ate something and read a bit out of my book ‘The island of missing trees’.

Later on I’ll see some friends, we’ll eat together and go out. All in all, a good day, I’d say.

I hope you are having a good day wherever you are and until next time! X