Sometimes I lose myself in all of my thoughts and emotions and sometimes even behaviour. I wish it was different and honestly, I think I have already made progress. I am capable of saying no to others and myself and I just need to keep practising it. If you imagine a pond and the ripples in it, one after another, you can also visualize the pond with a smooth surface. Sometimes it feels like the pond is overflowing. I guess everyone feels overwhelmed from time to time. Mindfulness teaches me to take a step back and just watch the show basically. As if you aren’t standing on stage but just next to it. As if there are a lot of cars passing by and you are not trying to chase them or trying to stop them but watching them go by. Sometimes I just get caught up by the storm. I am in the middle of the tornado and it feels like I have to go through it, but I am going to practise not going to the middle of the tornado and saying no. No thank you brain, another day. Not today brain. Thank you brain for this insight, but you have a lot of thoughts. Thank you for this thought and I would just like to say no. You have to treat yourself like you would treat a friend. With kindness.
Talking about friends, they are here for me. I went through a break up and it leaves you feeling a bit meh. Sad, confused, insecure, angry and maybe also a bit good. As if you finally find the time for yourself and also see that maybe it just didn’t work. That there are people who love me just the way I am. With all of my good sides and all of my ugly sides. That sometimes two people meet and really like each other but it’s okay and just doesn’t work. It is what it is.
Friends, family, plants and the cat are bringing me joy at the moment. I’ve lost myself in taking care of the plants. I suppose it is therapeutic. I just really like the sight of happy plants that are growing and thriving. I like the responsibility of giving them shade, water and enough room to grow, earth that is fertile and taking away burnt or dead leaves and giving the plant all the energy that it needs to grow new healthy leaves.
I hope you are having a good time wherever you are and until next time! X