I am listening to the band ‘Cigarettes after sex’. It’s dreamy and sad music. Fitting for me at the moment. I am sleep deprived, in mental and physical pain and I would love some help. Luckily, I do get help and I also ask for help. I went to my GP once again. After six weeks of physical pain I hope they will finally figure out what’s going on. I am a bit done. Done with a lot of things. But I keep going on. That is what I have learnt. Hiding doesn’t make anything better. You have to push, go on, stay strong. Whatever being strong actually means. I feel really vulnerable actually. Tired.

We have a new housemate. I miss the harmony. I miss old times. I am scared and stressed. It’s a big adjustment living with someone you don’t know. She also brings her date to our house a lot. It feels like living with two new people. It’s a bit much for me at the moment. Who knows, it might just all fall into place. All the pieces of the puzzle.

You have to look for the silver lining. An attitude of gratitude as my app ‘Headspace’ would say. Regarding this, I have made an Instagram post where I am grateful for all the people who were with me while I was in London. I thought it was a tough time. Two months abroad is fun. Four is too long. Especially in such a big, loud, chaotic city. It’s just not for me. Maybe for someone else. Everyone is different just like the book ‘The tale of Johnny town-mouse’ says which is written by Beatrix Potter. My mum used to read ‘Peter Rabbit’ by Beatrix Potter to me. In this book ‘The tale of Johnny town-mouse’ particularly, it becomes very clear that some mice like the city and other mice prefer the countryside. Well, that’s one thing: I am glad to be in Zwolle. It’s a green city. I know it well. It’s so nice to walk into a store and know exactly where everything is and where to get what you need. Such as the ‘Hema’ or the ‘Albert Heijn’. Well known stores in the Netherlands.

Suddenly there is so much to do: festivals every weekend. I simply don’t have the energy. I have been so busy with schoolwork that there were friends I didn’t get the chance to see after six weeks. One friend I usually see every week. That’s just weird. Well, also quite good news: I’ve probably done a good job on my portfolio. Tomorrow I’ll hear if it’s okay and if so I am invited to talk about it and if that goes well I am finally done with the portfolio. Stink portfolio as a friend of mine would say, hahahahaha. I have actually learnt quite a few things while reading books and writing this huge portfolio. In a way it was psychology. It wasn’t only useful for becoming a teacher but just for life in general.

Today I am going to try and make it my day and just relax with myself. I hope I succeed in just taking some time for myself. Take care and enjoy your day wherever you are and until next time! X