Take a deep breath. Let’s begin. Since I was twelve I knew I wanted to be a mom. When I was 15 I was asked what I wanted to be and I said a writer. I’ve written in many gratefulness books over the past two years and blogs when I was 15, for the newspaper at my school I tried to write when I was there, I wrote two pieces when I was at a school in Bristol and I picked up my blog two years ago. I have written so many diaries I wouldn’t know how many. I started when I was twelve. And writing poetry when I was younger with my mother, even a play with a friend.

It doesn’t mean anything. I guess it means I enjoy it. More than drawing or other things I might like. I love dancing, but I don’t want to ‘become’ a dancer or a dance teacher. I want to be a writer. I truly love dancing and followed many classes as I have studied journalism for a year and have done a creative writing course. I don’t feel like I read enough to be a good writer. I don’t come up with clever jokes or plays or words. I don’t really use metaphors. Maybe my work is like pop music instead of classical music? Catchy hopefully but not very complicated? I mean… There is one desperate dream I should bring to life.

I should write that book that I have been wanting to write. I have started and stopped and I have changed subject many times and had many ideas. I think maybe I should make the time and just start and see from there. I spend time in the library. I could sit there. I mean, this laptop that I am writing on, I can take everywhere. And at home is also completely fine. Love my home, and the beautiful view filled with green leaves and yellow, purple and pink flowers. Blue sky today.

That is not how I feel in my head. It is a bit cloudy. A lot of thoughts in the form of clouds are passing. I feel like all the dreams are coming closer. Things that I really want are starting to happen. My boyfriend and I might live together. He wants kids. We want kids. Crazy.

Honestly, it is all a bit overwhelming. Especially while I am teaching from nine to seven. Long days, long days. I cook much more than before. I invite friends over and I don’t want to change my routine. But I do need sleep and everything is keeping me up at night. At least I don’t wake up in the middle of the night anymore. It’s just waking up around 6 which is too early especially when I can feel the headache which is telling me I need more sleep.

But I just feel like all these thoughts are so important. Which I mean… Mindfulness tells me they aren’t. They come and they go. How am I supposed to make plans then? Or anticipate anything? Maybe I need a timer. A worry timer. Since I really need to relax.

I made an envision board. Goals. Things I want and things that are already in my life and I want a continuation of. I just added writing to it.

Dancing was something I added later on too. I have noticed that adding a goal such as live music and CD’s/LP’s, is truly working, I bought a CD and I am listening to a lot more live music than before. I am cooking a lot more than before. Trying out a tajine and other new things. It is tiring, I must say. But also enjoyable at the same time. Love a self made red pesto. Hm-hm-hmmmmm.

I am keeping up with friends and family. Mindfulness everyday. Maybe English shows should be on there as a way of showing downtime. I told a student of mine that I don’t do social media and he said what do you do all evening? I realized I do many things and he should follow me for a week and see what I do. Cooking, I meet a lot of people, I read occasionally, I watch English shows, I sit in the park, walk, go to dance classes, I cuddle my boyfriend, I play games, I put on candles, I listen to music, I clean, hoover, take out the trash for recycling, I take care of plants, I am part of a clothing loop, I write things that I am grateful for, mindfulness is part of my life, I brush my teeth, I shower every day, I wash my clothes every week, cut my nails, sometimes I’ll make a tea, drink lots of water and I contemplate. I look out of the window and look at the birds, the cats and the butterflies and sometimes I just let my mind be. I enjoy sitting on my lovely soft sofa. Well, I do a lot I suppose. I try not to waste my time and I try not to be a slave to technology.

And now it might be time to add some more writing into my routine and maybe even teach some more. Busy bee, busy bee.

Someone else’s goals of a radio show host were very inspiring to me. Maybe my writing can be that for you. Wishing you a lovely day.

& I hope you are doing well wherever you are and until next time! X