I’m on my beautiful big blue sofa. It’s nice and soft. A blanket is there to cover me. It’s relaxing. I put on music and the title of the music list is called relaxing.

I must say I’m a little tired of teaching 6 classes of seventeen year olds and up. After those classes I taught some more at an institution, one on one. That is mostly more relaxed. At one point I asked myself whether I was an introvert or not. I just now have so many social interactions during the day I wonder how I decompress. During my lunch break I listen to mindfulness on my app Headspace. That is relaxing. I breathe deeply and I focus on the places in my body that feel tense and I visualize dissolving the pain and it leaving my body. It’s only for about five minutes but I must say it was very nice.

I am analyzing a lot of aspects about my life at the moment. Friendships, my relationship, my work life and I am also thinking about my past and about my future. Somehow I am very goal orientated at the moment and my philosopher friend told me many moons ago to make an envision board. This is actually the first time I did it.

Apparently I love a lot of things about my life right now and I want a continuation of that. There are a few things to come. So I hope they will. I am kinda planning for it. I really want to do my best. I don’t want to know facts, I don’t want to read more books for the sake of reading more books, I don’t want to watch the news, I don’t want to be politically more invested, I don’t necessarily want to go to a pubquiz.

I want to build a family. I want a house, a bath, maybe a cat, a kid or two, I want to read to them, I want to pick them up from school and listen to their stories, I want to cook dinner and I want to play games and I want to go to the park and I want to go on holidays. I’d love to learn more words in any language and new dishes to make. I’d like to discover new beautiful places and hang out in nature. I might want to do more with plants, sell them or gift them and of course take care of them.

And somehow combine that with the friendships I made and the family that is already in my life. I want some time with my boyfriend first, before these little creatures are running around. I want to go on holidays and enjoy live music together. I want to try out new food, for him specifically vegetarian food. I want to kiss him and hold him and tell him stories and listen to his. I want to look into his friendly eyes and feel home. I want to go on many more walks and throw a frisbee or a ball and walk around trees and be silly. I want to listen to his jokes and his knowledge about trees. I want to walk and sit in silence next to each other. I want to watch funny shows together. I want him to be there when I lose my patience, when I am mad, when I am angry and sad, I want him to hold me and to listen and I want to make up and build a life together. I want all the funerals, the ceremonies, the moves, the celebrations, the set backs, the grey hairs, the lonely moments that become sweet, the misunderstandings, the irritations, the bad habits that keep on bugging us, and for us to navigate it all.

Love isn’t like you see in the movies or as you read in a book as a summer fling. Love is more than just a kiss, more than a friendly hello. It can start there though. But somehow in the movies it always ends with the start. They never show the tedious bits. The normal bits. The day to day life. The pooping, the crying of the children, the tummy aches of your man, the crying of yourself. It’s just happily ever after. What do people expect from love?

Why do so many people get a divorce? Is living with your partner just sometimes that annoying roommate? Who somehow can’t manage to do the dishes earlier than you? Are you that annoying roommate that is always late? I mean if you see each other snotty and completely run down, maybe it is not as sexy. Are we expected to be sexy all of the time?

Movie stars and celebrities have fake hair and fake teeth and even fake skin in a way nowadays. Pictures are enhanced and you’re supposed to look up to that? Where are the families that are just trying their best and just living their lives? Many. They are just not famous. So nice, to not be famous. Many less interactions. More peace. I love people but I also like a bit of calm.

Maybe I am growing old. Enjoying gardening and time on my own, reading, listening to calm music and jazz, thinking people in the train are talking loud, noticing when people in a cafe are really loud opposed to a different cafe. Not wanting to stay up late and go out until super late. MEGA late hahaha. I just feel like I had that time. Been there, done that. I haven’t missed it. I enjoyed it. Flirting, dancing. Maybe I’d rather listen to live music now or go to a dance lesson or follow a salsa lesson with my partner.

I’m glad I have my own life and that I get to live it. People live their lives differently with different opinions and different religions and I am very interested. But yes I will try to listen to my philosopher friend who said he listened to his intuition. Intuition and my brain that is trying it’s best to keep me safe. Mindfulness will guide me along the way and all the other teachers, coaches, influences that go along with my intuition and brain.

Do I have a life’s motto? Maybe I should think about it. Enjoy it while I’m here?

I hope you are doing well wherever you are and until next time! X