I’m not playing any music at the moment. I am on the sofa and I just don’t want anything. I ate, I showered, I brushed my teeth. So, that’s good. I just feel like doing nothing or trying to avoid feeling anything. I don’t want to apply for a new job, I don’t want to go on a holiday, I don’t want to work on my portfolios. I just want a break. I want to hang out with friends when I want to, I want to get enough sleep, I’d love a shower that would properly work and even better a bath tub. I’d love a friend that would see me weekly or daily, like a cool housemate. I’d love to write. Maybe my own experiences, even if it is just for me and for a close friend to read.

I don’t want to be an intern any longer and hear every little detail of a powerpoint that could be better. I don’t want to get up at six in the morning, I don’t want to be in a car.

I want to write. Maybe after writing for a while, I want to interview. Maybe I’d like to have a partner even though I don’t think I want it right now. I want to sleep and I want my period to be over. I want to just eat eggs and some bread and just be okay with lying down under a blanket.

I don’t want to think about my future, I don’t really care about graduating at the moment, even though I’ll feel great shame when I don’t. I want to tutor, talk to students and connect with them, I want to listen to music. Let me put some on. Not right now. I actually appreciate the silence and maybe a chirp of a bird here and there.

It’s not raining and I know I should go outside but I am so cranky. Let me think of things I appreciate. I appreciate friends, who think about what kind of sport would suit me or that writing a column might make me happy, or who join me while colouring mandalas. I appreciate being able to light candles which improve the atmosphere and so do my plants :). I appreciate my huge sofa where I can take a nap and enjoy my soft big blanket and all the warmth it gives me.

I hope you are doing well wherever you are and until next time! X