Just as spacey as the music is, is how spacey I feel in my head. Dizzy, tried and my shoulders feel tense. I don’t want to move and so I am on the sofa under a blanket typing this. It’s nice being able to reflect. Reflect on life. I just listened to a song with the lyric: we had more when we had less, we shared more when we had less, it’s a blessing what you have right now. I just put it on again. It helps. I am always scared. Scared for what is coming next, whether it will be good enough for others, for me, if it will pay enough, what I should be doing… That my future needs to be more than it is. That I should learn more when it comes to music and sport but if I am really honest with myself: I just want to connect with others and have fun. I want to share food, I want to share music, I want to dance with others and laugh, I want to write something that I’d call expression, I don’t want to be the best, I guess it is a wake up call, having a education in a bit and expecting a certain amount of what I would earn and that it just isn’t that interesting at all. My friend just said no to a job which would have given him status but he didn’t want the job and even though his father didn’t agree, he stood his ground and he listened to himself. Pretty cool. Another friend of mine went to the other side of the world in Thailand and told me people don’t have much and that they are very friendly and that everyone here wants more and more. Maybe it is true.

And then a new friend told me not to hold on for dear life when it comes to thankfulness but I think it is something that can be very helpful. This morning I had a smile on my face thinking about what I am thankful for. Grateful, appreciative. There is so much to appreciate. Plants adding such liveliness to my home, the green view when I look outside, birds flying around and chirping, having water and food, being able to go to the toilet or to take a shower, having clean plates and forks, enjoying a freshly made bed, and then to think my dishwasher and washing machine help with that, owning a huge sofa where I can take a nap on or enjoy the view of a growing tulip, being able to go outside whenever I want and go for a run or walk, being able to smell flowers. Owning candles and burning them and enjoying their light. Owning a table to put food on and to play games with friends. Being able to buy bird seed to feed the birdies. Owning books that I can help others with to teach a language. Reading and feeling inspired.

I guess you really, really sometimes forget what is already there. A brain can worry and think about what is coming next, what to look out for. Mel Robbins says: ‘What if it all works out?’ It went through my head today.

I also appreciate art. I remember talking to someone who says he doesn’t appreciate art but after talking for a while he might have thought about it and maybe got him wondering. It got me wondering. Why do I appreciate art? Why do people appreciate art? Sometimes it is recognition, sometimes it feels like you can feel hope, sometimes it’s beauty and sometimes it is confrontational. Art helps you see, look carefully around you. What do you see? What do you appreciate?

I hope you are doing well wherever you are and until next time! X