I’m reading a very interesting book about life lessons. Each lesson is only about three pages and so it’s an easy read. One was quite shocking about a working mother who only had ten minutes of rest a day to read the paper and even then she was still bothered. It sounded like a nightmare to me.

In the book I read about wanting to want things. I’m curious about what I truly want. I might want a bigger house, so I can live with others. I don’t want to work everyday unless I truly love it. That might be helping others or taking care of others or being interested in others. Otherwise, I can’t see myself doing it. Plus, after the summer, I don’t see myself getting up before 6 ever again. At least, I hope so.

TV-land which is more than an hour away from my city is still calling me. Come and be an interviewer. But I don’t want to get up that early, neither do I want to move and I guess I should just start my own podcast or YouTube videos or just keep on writing my blog. Writing and talking are great ways to express yourself and listening and a bit of reading to enlighten yourself. This enlightenment you can give to others who listen and then they can give that gift. A gift that keeps on giving. Hopefully, we inspire each other.

Yesterday I got a beautiful compliment about just telling him to work on something even for just a minute helped him work on it for an hour. He was so grateful. I was glowing and enjoying his appreciation until I told him that I got the trick from someone else to which he said I was taking all the credit. Then I put a spin on it that made us all happy. I got this life lesson from someone and he got it from me and maybe one day he would give this life lesson to someone else.

Freddy, my dear friend, who studies philosophy, and gives his life lessons for free, has so much to teach me. I think somewhere today it just clicked. He’s always talking about getting behind the steering wheel. I finally see that that is very true. I always thought I didn’t have much control over my life or over my situation and that I didn’t have a lot to say or that I could not finish schoolwork, that it was too hard or that my feelings were too hard. But I’m learning now that I take lots of tests and that even in the midst of feeling anxious I can still manage a lovely weekend with friends. It’s truly not easy but I think I never knew I could do it. I have a helpline though. A literal one. I sometimes call the listening line and hope they have a beautiful life lesson or that somehow by talking I get somewhere where I feel hopeful, peaceful or feeling at least a little less bad than before. Usually it is really helpful and I feel calmer than before, sometimes it gets worse and sometimes it didn’t help but I guess you get to hear your own thoughts for a bit which van be scary and insightful.

Weird, not having to be so scared of my own feelings anymore. Just living life and carrying on. Even though I cry sometimes or get very stressed. Life goes on and so do I. I sometimes feel like I should be even tougher or stronger but maybe I’m okay where I am now. I’m also not emotionless.

Step by step I’m learning. I noticed I caught myself a few times. And sometimes it works and I don’t cry or can stop myself. I’m happy not to be alone in a car in the dark while it’s raining, alone with my thoughts. I enjoy the train much better whilst the train has also given me so much anxiety. Just the feeling of being scared and that your stuck there with your thoughts. Sometimes for me it is a bit much. I’m wondering if a mindfulness retreat would help me train my brain.

I’m happy just lying on the sofa today. I’ll go out for a walk soon. Who knows what life lessons are on their way. I hope you’re doing well wherever you are and until next time!